I Shall Now Dispel Some Common Myths about Me

Myth #1: I have an unhealthy addiction to TV.
Reality: I like TV more than most people, but most people are stupid, aren't they?
One day, I had the day off from work, and all I watched was 2 episodes of Days of Our Lives and 1 episode of Tori & Dean: Inn Love. That's it! Also, I have several other hobbies besides TV-watching. I enjoy book-reading, food-eating, and karaoke-singing. And the TV involved in karaoke doesn't count as TV-watching!

Myth #2: I am an obsessive-complusive.
Reality: I am germ-conscious, but not to the point of dysfunction.
The other night at a coworker's going away party, I did some pole dancing. When I told some people the next day, they went, "YOU pole danced?". I thought it was because they couldn't believe someone as ladylike as I would dance like a stripper, but in fact, they couldn't believe I had gotten past the germ factor. And really, I hadn't even thought of it. I'm also not really using my Handler anymore. It got too tedious, not to mention embarrassing.

Myth #3: I don't treat Luke well.
Reality: Uh, yes I do.
I had this old coworker who used to always say, "Luke's a lucky guy" really sarcastically anytime I did anything crazy, like freak out about this coworker's horrendous chewing. And even though he was kind of only joking, it really bothered me. Because Luke is a lucky guy. I let him practice his guitar while I try to watch TV, I made him chicken soup once when he was sick, and sometimes I let him breath the Middle Air. And when he's had a bad day, I try to make him laugh with my patented song and dance routine. Plus there's other things that I'm not at liberty to discuss.

Myth #4: I pooped my leotard.
Reality: This is just a silly story someone made up.
Why would I poop my leotard? That's ridiculous. And if I did, why would I lie about it? If the instructor told me to wait in line for the beam and I really had to go to the bathroom, obviously I would have just insisted I had to go, and excused myself. I certainly wouldn't have blindly obeyed, pooped my leotard, and then lied about it when the girl behind me asked me if I just pooped myself. Who does that?

Myth #5: I karaoke every week.
Reality: People would like me to karaoke every week, but I show some restraint.
The thing is, once you develop a certain reputation, people want to see what you'll do. Will she kick over a stool? Will she serenade that goth guy? Will she write on the floor? I'll do all that and more people, but not every week. It's gotta happen when the feeling's right. You can't force it.